Touch my Subway, you die

Yesterday I flew back down to Texas to visit with my Munchkin and Hot Pilot. It is always an interesting adventure seeing who will be travelling with you, and watching all of the other travellers who are in the same painful predicament that you are. I only say that travel is painful since usually I have to wake up about 3 hours BEFORE the crack of dawn. On this trip I did the same thing only to find that when I got to the airport they hadn't posted what gate I needed to go to, nor did any of the Air Tran gates have any information other than "Stand By" written on them. Sweet.

I finally sat down and turned to my blackberry for assistance. I found that my gate was D3 and proceeded to a gate that looked like a war torn country complete with wires sticking out of walls haphazardly and a few baby-faced military men. Indeed this was my gate. I then finally boarded the plane only to find that my window seat just so happened to be the only seat on the entire plane WITHOUT A WINDOW.

I had to change planes in Hotlanta where at my gate I was accosted by two toddlers while their mother (who by the way was wearing diaper-butted black capris with palm trees on the thighs and then completed this sexy ensemble with thick chenille socks scrunched down on her cankles and beat up black clogs. Classy.) gave me a smile like "aren't my children just DARLING?". Not so much. When the daughter tried to paw through my purse is when things got ugly. I bum rushed blondie, tackled her to the ground and shoved a copy of the latest Glamour magazine" in her face gave the woman the look of death (you know the one where you cut your eyes and slowly turn away in disgust - learned it from my mom) and she finally got the hint and proceeded to steal another un-suspecting woman's seat.

I finally then boarded the plane heading to San Antonio and was seated next to a rather chatty red-headed woman. About 30 minutes into the flight however while holding her cup of tomato juice (barf) she had a sudden attack of what can only be called narcolepsy and fell asleep, spilling the contents of aforementioned barf smelling tomato juice all over me. We both exited the plane looking like someone had hurled their lunch all over both of us. My boyfriend thought it was just super hot.

Hi honey, I'm home!