She's craf-tay!

This past week I have decided to try and save some money by creating my own christmas ornaments. I ended up spending nearly $200 on supplies. I really don't believe that Dave Ramsey would be proud of my attempt at saving money as I pretty much failed miserably. Despite my money saving efforts, I have saddled myself with several daunting projects. I'd like to consider myself somewhat crafty, but I often get either distracted or disinterested very quickly.

I have taken to painting wooden ornaments, painting wooden christmasy decorations, gluing paper strips to styrofoam balls and I even decided to fold oragami birds. I am finding the oragami to make my brain feel somewhat like mashed jello and am hoping maybe it is a good brain exercise which will keep me from the grips of alzheimers for maybe one extra year.

Little did I realize what a literal pain in the neck ornament painting would truly be. I woke up the next day with such a massive stiff neck I thought for sure I had meningitis. Until I realized it was nothing more than terrible posture which I'm sure my grandmother would chastise me for.

For tonight I am taking time off of my crafty ways and have come up with a new project I hope you will all enjoy : Really bad christmas lights. Christmas decor wrecks if you will. I will be scouring my local area each day at dusk for the most heinous acts of electrical expression in order to make each one of you feel just a little bit better about your decorating tastes.

Tonight I took the lazy way and found a picture online (as I learned the hard way that I should be taking these pictures at dusk and not under the blackened night sky whilst wearing my robber uniform of black clothes and panty hose over the face).

Enjoy tonights little christmas treasure and I will be bringing some of Marylands finest tomorrow.



(photo via Ugly Christmas Lights)

For your culinary delight

It was a lovely fall afternoon so I decided to take a walk to my favorite burrito joint "California Tortilla" as I have previously mentioned here with regards to a near neck stab. While I was waiting for my beyond awesome burrito to be crafted, I decided to peruse the vast array of hot sauces that were available. Because I do have a rather interesting sense of humor (to say the least) I found these which of course just made my day complete :




If of course you happen to be just as intrigued as I was over these culinary masterpieces, you can find ordering information via the following links :

1 - See Dick Run (also available in See Spot in Heat)
2 - Rectal Rocket Fuel
3 - Ass in Space

Awesome Christmas Cause

With the holidays just around the corner I am always reminded about those who are less fortunate that we are. Because of this, I decided the other day to put together a little Christmas Box for "Operation Christmas Child" by Samaritan's Purse. It is a fun activity for anyone with children (or heck, even those without!) who may want to help in finding things to pack into a shoebox to send to a girl or boy in need.

I actually found alot of great items at my local Target, some items that I might just go back for later to use as little stocking stuffers for Munchkin for later in the christmas season. I decided to fill a box for a boy between the ages of 4 and 7and found a great deal of cool stuff for about $20 bucks.

1 - Find an old shoebox and wrap the lid and box separately in festive paper.




2 - Let the paper fold in its own way, and it will be alot easier to wrap.




3 - Here is your rockin' snazzy finished product :



4 - Now fill it! (This is by far the fun part!)





I filled mine with crayons, Star Wars markers, Star Wars socks, a stuffed dragon, a kaleidascope, a mini chutes and ladders game, a kids toothbrush/toothpaste combo and a Hot Wheels car. Nothing cost over a dollar, and most are pretty cool if you ask me.

5 - Label box with labels you can get off of the Operation Christmas Child website.




Now go to "Operation Christmas Child" website for instructions on where to drop off your finished boxes. You might also want to gather a group of friends or family to put together several boxes for kids.


If anyone else decides to do this project, I would love to hear from you and maybe see some pictures or hear about what sort of items you sent in your christmas package. Have fun putting your boxes together!

Going to the dogs

"Tom [As dog, with Japanese accent]: Rufforu! Bow-a-wow!"

Dogs by nature are really rather disgusting. Now don't get me wrong, I love dogs. Not so fond of cats, but dogs are definitely where its at.
Tonight I came home after my dog had done one of her disgusting dog things. As I walked through the door and saw her sitting patiently in the hall awaiting my arrival, I noticed the new hairstyle she was sporting. Grandpa Munster is all that comes to mind. The top of her head was slicked back in a way reminiscent of this picture:
I swear she was smiling like this too. And I'll tell you why.
My parents decided to grill steaks this evening. Now on most gas grills, there is a can that catches any grease drippings. This very important can is missing off of my parents grill. So instead, there is a cloth underneath of the grill, where grease drippings gather. My dog, being like most any dog, finds this little patch of deck to be complete nirvana. To her, licking at this spot is nothing short of sublime. And while she was under the grill licking at old grease, new grease was dripping upon her sweet little doggy head. And she was in heaven.
Well, my mom tried to clean her up the best she could, which left me with Grandpa Munster for a dog. Only she smelled. BAD. She smelled like a minimum wage fry cook after a long hot day in the un airconditioned back of a cheap, greasy diner. And she thought she was the shizzle.
Well, I thought she smelled like poop, so she and I headed up to the dreaded bathtub. She hates baths. I stuck her in the bathroom while I dug up a towel, and changed into some ratty clothes. I came back, and could hear her growls of displeasure from the bottom of the stairs. I picked her up, legs splayed, and tossed her in. After three go arounds with various shampoos, and a dose of Dawn (cuts grease out of your way you know) she is about 75% better. Still smells a bit like a fry cook, but also has essence of papaya, with beautiful, shiny, voluminous locks. (According to the bottle, her style should hold up to humidity for up to 48hrs!)
After the final rinse, she took off running like a wild untamed beast, downstairs to pick fights with the other two dogs, and rub her wet, furry body all over my moms furniture.
Sweet. There is justice.

Its birthday time!

"Awwww.... it was your birthday LAST year!!!" -Crow"

Tomorrow is Mr. Hot Pilot's 33rd birthday (yep, go ahead and do the math in your head...I'm 27...I'll wait) so of course I want to celebrate in the best way possible. Mr. Hot Pilot hasn't had the most celebratory birthdays in the past few years with the exception of last year, as that was our first year together. I want to do something that will make him feel super special and loved.

My mom has always made us kids a birthday cake on our birthday, and we all agree that her birthday cakes are by far better than any store bought cake. I want to start little traditions like this for Mr. Hot Pilot, Munchkin and I, but I really am not a baker. Even when I mentioned baking him a birthday cake, Mr. HP just said "why don't you just buy me an ice cream cake - it's easier".

Since I will be down in Del Rio where the major shopping center is WalMart, I am rather limited in my choices. I decided to look up some great cake designs, and found a few that might not be so appropriate now, but could fit the bill in another place and time:







I'm thinking however that he would be happier with one of these:

Suddenly domestic-ish

"Spacemen just don't look at home in a breakfast nook." -Crow.


I'm not exactly 'well known' around town as being a particularly neat and tidy person. For some reason or another I have had no problem keeping the main areas of my various abodes nice and sweet, while rendering my bedroom and the interior of my car un-inhabitable. I'm not too sure what this might mean about me from a psychological perspective, but I don't really give a rats arse.

Because of this, it was quite a surprise to myself and all that know me, that I took on such a fervent domestic role at Mr. Hot Pilots house.

As a bit of a background, my better half is a single papa who also has a super awesome job flying. He devotes himself 110% to being the best daddy possible (he is by far the most awesome dad I've ever seen in action) and devotes the same to being the best pilot and officer he can be. This dedication to Munchkin and his job tends to take away from his time to really clean house. Don't get me wrong, he is always on top of doing the laundry (the one job I LOVE-go figure!) and cooking a hot breakfast and healthy dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yep. Hot breakfast as in eggs, bacon, pancakes, you name it. Every. Day. (Did I mention how awesome he is?) In the realm of cleaning house though...he leaves much to be desired. And that is where I come in.

I've grown accustomed to putting back together a house that my two tornadoes mess apart. But I love to do it because I love my boys. I do find myself frustrated sometimes by the mess however. But many times I just have to laugh. These are MEN (and boys!) we are talking about here! For instance, I went down to Texas to stay with Munchkin during the 2 weeks Mr. Hot Pilot was away at a training. There were about 4 days of overlap between when Mr. Hot Pilot left (Munchkin stayed at our friends home) and when I arrived. Mr. Hot Pilot decided to leave the cat at the house with enough food and water to hold her over until I got there. When I walked into the house, I found 3 mountains of cat food in three separate bowls on the kitchen floor but no water in sight. I looked at the cat and thought "well, she seems healthy enough and not on the brink of death, so what in the name of all that is holy is she drinking?". I looked high and low for a water bowl. And then I found it. The lid of the toilet in the main bathroom was left up. Yep. Mr. Hot Pilot figured that there was an unlimited supply of water in there and "she drinks out of there if I don't watch her anyway!".

Sick dude. Cat drank poop water and then came over to give me love and licks before I knew any better. (Mind you, when I inquired about having her learn to go to the bathroom on a toilet like some cats do, he wouldn't have anything to do with it since the thought of having to wait for the cat to finish business before he could use it just was too much for him.)

Over the course of those two weeks I scrubbed and washed and de-cluttered and re-vamped the entire household.

I totally nested.

Munchkin helped me pick out yummy scented candles and which pictures to hang on the walls in their new frames. He even hugged me while I was mopping the floor and thanked me. (And yes, my heart did melt!) I even got Munchkin to clean his room, since that was what Mr. Hot Pilot wanted help with the most.

When Mr. Hot Pilot returned home to us, I had a Tres Leches cake waiting in celebration. It was gross. (I never said I was the best baker did I?) I must have mentioned in passing that I would just throw the cake out before I left. It was in the refrigerator, so it was easy to forget that early morning at 4am when I had to leave for the airport. I returned two weeks later to find the cake still sitting in the fridge.

Mr. Hot Pilot's response?

"You said YOU were going to throw it out!"

My, oh my.