Got run over by a train and all I got was this dumb plastic leg full of cash

Ah yes, Monday. The only good thing about Monday's for me now is that they are like a typical working schmuck's Saturday complete with insane amounts of sleeping in and early afternoon news watching. No matter what time I wake up, I nearly always turn to my blackberry for the latest on what has happened in the world while I slept (for 10 hours). Today was no different. There were two special news stories that I would be a jerk not to share with you.

Man Robs Credit Union, Puts Cash in Prosthetic Leg

"Authorities on Florida's east coast have arrested a man in a wheelchair who they say robbed a credit union on Merritt Island and hid the money in his prosthetic leg.

Brevard County deputies say 45-year-old Christopher Warren Reed was caught Friday afternoon about 10 minutes after they say he robbed Space Coast Credit Union. Reed is a paraplegic who uses a motorized wheelchair.
Investigators say he came into the credit union about 4 p.m., told a teller he was armed with an explosive and demanded money. He left with an undisclosed amount of cash.

Reed told deputies that two people had threatened him with a gun, told him to commit the robbery and were going to take the money for themselves. He was charged with robbery, grand theft, threatening to use a hoax explosive device and aggravated assault."

The best parts of this story besides the ingenious use of a plastic limb? That there is actually a bank named "Space Coast Credit Union" and that he tried the old "they threatened me knowing about my kick ass leg and so I robbed a bank for them" routine.


Now I must ask one question. This man is a paraplegic right? So this means any limbs he might have he can't use right? So why in the world did he need a fake limb? Was it just to fill out his hot new pair of Wranglers or something?

My next story hails from the super-genius state of Alabama.

Alabama Man Survives Being Run Over by Eight Train Cars

Apparently this lovely 61 year old man decided to soak up the Alabama sunshine by laying his body over the train tracks. Because that is just the perfect spot don't you think? Little did he know that real live trains actually run on them there tracks. Who'd of thunk it?

My favorite part of the whole story was this line :

"Its unclear why Romine was lying on the tracks."

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