Those kids at school — they tease you, Kenny. Because they['ve] never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!

I'm going to go out on a limb and admit something to you. I was a weird kid in high school. I know, I know I seem to be the epitome of normalcy and class nowadays but it is true. I was a weird kid and all of my friends fed right into the weirdness.

My friends and I have known each other since 1st grade. In high school we suffered together through the brutal torture that is known as marching band, learned how to drive together, hid our first crushes from each other and often wrote wacky stories about all of the kids we went to high school with. Let's just say those stories were our outlet for what we saw to be injustices in our lives. Instead of resorting to the normal ridicule or torment of our fellow classmates, we would often sit down and write a story about them in which we could inflict all sorts of humility and chaos in order to nurse our own personal wounds.

Often our stories focused on a set group of people (ourselves included) although no one was immune to being thrown into the fray. In fact our own parents would often be caught in the middle of our literary outbursts, often to our immense amusement. One example of this was when an email was sent to my dad from my friends regarding his "Star Trek" collection. Here is how this email went (I have included a picture of the original):

"Subj : This is what we sent to Carrie's dad at work

Want to join the Star Trek haters club?

1) Well first, we're gonna sue them for indecent exposure of the pigment (meaning their deranged faces). I mean, I don't want to look at that crap. Come on, this is TV!

2) We're gonna hire a hitman to kill all the main characters including your favorite "Captain Kurt (sic)". We're gonna check his wallet first to retrieve any personal photos of back when he may have been half-normal so we can see where he went wrong with his looks.

3) We will have a part and appear on the show. The ratings will be so bad that the show will sink with the Starship Whatchamacallit.

4) We'll set the roof of the studio where it's taped afire so Star Trek memories will be buried in the soot.

5) We will replace the show's former timeslot to show the movie "Outbreak".

6) We will track down ANY person or persons possessing Star Trek figurines and take the stuff and build a campfire for the boyscouts with it.

7) Finally we will donate the Star Trek official costumes to the homeless so the whole "DOWN WITH STAR TREK" theme will have accomplished something positive.

Write back and tell us if you would like to jump aboard our mission to erase Star Trek out of the hearts and minds of helpless pupils forever!!

Thank You"

My parents never really said anything of the email and nowadays will often remark about how amusing our "little stories" were. Looking back, these were things that brought my friends and I closer and helped us through that awful part of life called "the teenage years". Whatever it takes!

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog from facebook and surprise surprise look what I saw.... funny. I remember those stories. I can't believe you still have them.


    We do have a blog, mostly to post pics and stories about the little one...


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