Attack of the face!

Being that I am a girl, I am always on the lookout for the newest and greatest product out there that will make my skin clear, dewy, keep oil at bay, kill blemishes, obliterate my pores AND keep me looking perpetually 15. Basically I am looking for a miracle from God himself sent down in a fabulous glittery package delivered directly to my doorstep. Oh and it has to work immediately. I am desperately trying to acheive flawless skin.

Flawless. That is the one catch word that always gets my attention. Just saying it aloud evokes thoughts of perfect porcelain skin without a visible pore, blemish or oil slick in sight. Put the word flawless in your ad and you are sure to have my attention.

Like every other little kid on the planet, I had perfect skin. No need to wash it everyday as no matter what dirt or grime I got into, my skin still looked as smooth and poreless as a baby's rear. Until of course I turned 12.

It was as though I went to bed one night with baby butt skin and woke up the next morning in the middle of a full blown nuclear attack complete with little red suicide bombers - on my face. It was a pure nightmare. My mother never having had to deal with acne as a teenager was at a loss for what to get me to clear up this little (massive) problem. So instead I went nearly all of my 6th grade year and part of my 7th grade year mopping oil that seemed to be spewing from the Texas oil refineries off of my head. (Just as an aside - why can't they find a way to harness the power of teenage facial oil production for our little oil crisis? Kind of like my idea to give free liposuction to the obese and use the excess fat as an alternate source of fuel...help the obesity problem AND the fuel problem! Just sayin'!)

Finally one day my mom brought home what I had hoped to be the be all, end all. Clearasil. Unfortunately instead of clearing up my skin, it sucked the life out of it, drying it into a crumbly mess that would just slick up with oil the next day, often leaving me with a facial deforming mountain between my eyes (hel-lo one eye!). The little guerilla warriors were winning and the battleground was my face.

Over the next 5 years or so I tried countless things, including coming embarassingly close to trying baby urine on my face. Yep. My mom had a friend who told her that baby urine from a wet diaper cleared acne. I was desperate. I tried egg whites, face masks, pinching, popping, voodoo, prescriptions and prayer. Luckily the older I got the better it became. Instead of all out guerilla warfare, it became more of a cold war. I finally learned the tricks of the trade, such as using oil free moisturizer, Retin-A in the winter (say NO to sun!), Azelex in the summer (also known to get rid of those nasty brown spots I got from sunning myself as a teen in hopes of leveling the playing field) and the occasional round of antibiotics. I still have issues but now have the added joy of beginning to worry about wrinkles.

So now I have to try and kill the little red nazis AND deal with tunnel warfare. But I feel I have found a solution. Being one who loves makeup, I have tried nearly every brand under the sun and hands down I am madly in love with Bare Minerals. It is the only makeup that comes close to making me look like I have smooth, non-landmined skin. I have tried Clinique for blemish prone skin and that is pretty good too, but nothing quite compares to my Bare Minerals. I love that I can buff that stuff on and in 5 minutes flat I have my pimples waving their flag of defeat. No red showing through or anything. I have also taken up using an under-eye cream by Dr. Wexler (Deep Wrinkle Eye Repair) that I like, but seems to be doing more in the moisturizing realm than anything. And did I mention sunscreen. Yep, here I go climbing back onto my soap box. The majority of wrinkles are caused by sun damage. I now wear Neutrogena Anti-Aging facial sunscreen with an SPF of 70. Totally rocks. Just be careful as it will leave a white film if you don't rub it in well enough. I just use that as my moisturizer and put my fab Bare Minerals over top.

I am still on the hunt for the miracle worker when it comes to acne and wrinkles. What products do you use? Thoughts?

How to raise an honest Munchkin

As adults and parents, we often find we use the little things in life to try and teach our children (or step-munchkins) how to be upstanding and productive citizens. In other words, we don't want to be responsible for raising the next Ted Bundy, OJ Simpson or some other sort of bottom feeder of society. (Of course if you ARE looking to raise a con artist of some sort, then by all means check out this book)

I like to try and teach Munchkin to have a sense of respect for other people and their belongings, no matter how small or mundane they may seem. To some, that old beat up item may actually be something that brings great joy.

Please imagine my not so gleeful surprise when I came into work today and found my once cool and unassuming "mini-kitty" which once looked like this:


Now looks like this:




As you can see, my once awesome desk prop is now 600 times it's original size. Sigh.

So I did what any person would do, and emailed the office. Here is what I had to say:
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Subj : Curiosity killed my cat?

Hello,

I see that the curiosity of someone over my “grow a pet cat” was too much for them to bear and I found my poor innocent cat drowning in a pool of water on the middle desk of the CCR portion of the office. I have to say that I’m not too happy about this. I like having little things around my desk to add to the fun and by all means if you wanted to grow your own pet, I would have gladly referred you to where you could purchase your own. Granted it might not have seemed like much to the cat-drowner, however the whole thing, package included, added to it's kitsch and I would greatly appreciate either a replacement or an apology.

Thank you to those who enjoyed looking at my little “pet” but respected that it belonged to someone and was here for the enjoyment of all.

P.S – For those who were kind enough to keep their curiosity to themselves, the cat indeed did grow to be 600% of its original size.

(You can find such an item/replacement here.)
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So the moral of our story here is teach your kids right in the beginning, and they will grow up to respect the belongings of others and refrain from the drowning of poor, innocent, fake cats.

Thirteen things

"Say what you want reverend, this brings in the parishoners" -Crow

13 things that make me smile:
1. Brown Sugar Pop Tarts
2. My dog running for me when I get home, like it is christmas
3. Cute text messages from a certain hot pilot
4. Snuggling (with aforementioned pilot)
5. "What not to wear" on TLC
6. When Munchkin tells me he loves me "all the way to the strawberry milkshake galaxy and back!"
7. Getting real emails from real people
8. "The Look" (you know...that look deep into my eyes and get lost look)
9. Having long meaningful conversations with my friends (whom I love dearly)
10. Realizing I look halfway decent with both short hair AND long hair
11. Girl Scout cookies
12. Sick sarcastic toys from mcphee.com
13. Sunny days in the midst of a multitude of gloom

I guess this might display my sensitive side too much. Oh well!

Note to self...(Part I)

Do you have cartoon music playing in your head too? -Mike


Do you ever feel like you wish you could go back in time and tell your younger self all of the wonderful and terrible things you have learned over the years? I was thinking the other day about all that has happened over the past 8 or 9 years, and all of the things I would love to tell my younger self. If I were to write myself a letter, it would be something like this:

Dear young Chica,

So much has happened over the past 10 years, and I feel it is my duty to give you a heads up and forewarning. Now not everything is terrible, but believe me, you are going to learn some serious life lessons. Hope you are ready!

First, lets talk about your weight. Honey, if you only knew how awesome you looked, you wouldn't spend 75% of your time obsessing over every little thing you put in your mouth. What's the point in being thin if you can't enjoy it? And trust me, guys tend to like their women with a bit more of a figure (re - not looking like a 12 year old boy) than they do skeletons. I know you know things have been happening to your body that are big fat red flags to tell you what you are doing isn't healthy. I know you want children someday, and what you are doing right now isn't they way to ensure you are ready and able someday. Kudos on the working out, but let yourself EAT! Enjoy yourself while you are young and gorgeous! And oh, by the way? You ARE gorgeous. I know you don't think so, but someday you will understand. Don't be so focused on what other people think of you. Learn to love yourself, like yourself, and enjoy spending time with yourself.

Remember when you were a Freshman in high school and you made the comment "I think I'm too immature to be involved with/date anyone?". You hit the nail right on the head. Don't be so concerned with having a boyfriend or wanting guys to like you. Believe me, they do. You know those three girls who you consider your best friends in the whole world? They truly are the best friends you could ever have. No one gets you like they do. No one has the same crazy sense of humor (who can forget the Beck and Foot stories? or the crazy letters you sent to your former marching band mates anonymously? HIGH-larious!) Don't screw it up. Keep it up and you are bound to make a huge mistake in your love life (and with your friends)....

Yeah...speaking of huge mistakes in the dating realm. Where to begin? You should have stayed single until you met Mr. Hot Pilot (more on him later). That New Year's eve party you went to with your girlfriends? Probably should have stayed home and watched Dick Clark's rockin' eve with your parents. Instead you met your first "bad idea" boyfriend. Mike. Wasn't his drinking enough of a tip off for you to stay away? But you are young I guess, and those things seem so grown up and glamorous. News Flash : They aren't. (Just wait till you see what drinking does to a person later on in life when you work in a trauma center). And then you drove his drunk butt home. Seriously. Do we need to go back a few paragraphs and remind you how awesome you are and that you are worth more? Geez louise... So instead you date this guy, and he is your first kiss. At 18. Not bad I suppose (that you waited until you were 18, not that it was him of course)

You were too naive to see what might be happening when he kept bringing you flowers for no apparent reason. Oh you found out alright. That night you were supposed to go with a group of friends for dinner and movie. And he had to pull you aside to clear his conscience and tell you he slept with some random girl. Instead of doing the "worth-it" girl routine, you tried to stick around to see what might happen. And it happened again. So you finally dumped him.

But something about that first serious relationship did something to you. Instead of realizing it had nothing to do with you and your awesomeness, you somehow beat yourself up. You wanted some sense of stability, and to know you could have a normal relationship. So you started dating a friend, whom we shall call "Ed". Ed seemed cool and all...seemed like he was a romantic and artistic type. But in reality he had no drive and ambition. He couldn't even get past community college. But you married him anyway. Yep. You married him. Then you moved to Florida, far, far away from your family and friends who loved you. And suddenly Ed changed. Ed wanted a life separate from you. He told you he had enough friends already and that you were "just his wife". You went through serious financial hardships. Finally you scrimped and saved every last penny to get you both out of there and back home to Maryland again. Do you notice a trend here? YOU are the one doing all the fighting for this relationship, for your home, for your finances.

Guess we will have to see what happens later on....Part II later on.

Martha, Martha, Martha

Standard sitcom joke landing on runway seven..." -Crow

So have you heard of the new show with Martha Stewarts daughter and her daughters friend called "Whatever, Martha!"? Basically the two young women sit down to disect each of Martha Stewarts television segments - and not in the kind, loving, daughterly way either. Think more along the lines of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" with a twist of snark and venom. Rather interesting if you ask me...

But I did a bit of looking, and apparently Martha herself is onboard with this. They are using old "Martha Stewart Living" shows from the late 1990's to early 2000's. Still might be a good watch though.

Romance at its greatest...

"Yeah, this is what it's like when I put my contacts in inside-out. " - Crow

Today is the opening game of the season for The Ravens. I got to see all the bustle and excitement on my way in to work today. In addition to all of the souveneirs and food and T-shirts surrounding the stadium, you can often times see planes flying overhead with banners spelling out "I love you" messages or "Bengies Movie Theater" advertisements.

Todays romantic ode flying from the tail of the plane?

"I love you Pat...get a divorce".