Really people....

It is certainly one of those days here in gloomy Baltimore. I have the next few days off and to be perfectly honest, I don't really know what to do with all of that free time. I know half of people out there would give their left kidney to have four days off in a row, but REALLY PEOPLE. When I don't go to Texas where I have plenty to do (clean, go to soccer with Munchkin and Mr. Hot Pilot, cook, chase the useless cat around the house in hopes she will run away..) I am often left bored out of my gourd.

I came downstairs this afternoon after doing a whole lot of nothing upstairs and found my dog Lucy staring rather listlessly out the front window. The picture above illustrates just how I feel.

Come back spring/summer...this fall crap is for the birds.

Listen all y'all, its a sabotage!

As I have mentioned in the past, I am part of a long distance relationship. Mr. Hot Pilot is a military officer who lives far, far away in (what seems like) a third world country complete with border jumpers, questionable water and absolutely no Target store within a 150 mile radius. Because of this long distance, I frequently (as in every other week) fly the friendly skies to spend time with him and Munchkin. I am lucky enough to work a job where I only have to work 3 days per week, and then have the remaning four days to do with as I please - lounge in bed until all hours of the afternoon, workout (HA!), work from home for my old job, shuttle drugs back and forth across the mexican border and spend time with my boys. On the weeks that I shuttle drugs back and forth go to visit my boys, I try to maximize my time with them by flying out of BWI as early as humanly possible on Monday and flying back in as late as possible on Thursday in order to drag my butt back into work on Friday morning.

In addition to my maximization of time, I must also note that I am a master procrastinator. Because of my earning a higher education in procrastination, I tend to leave my packing to the night before or the morning of my flight.

On my most recent trip to the little border town Mr. Hot Pilot affectionately calls home, I woke up before the butt crack of dawn could even be seen, and began getting myself ready. Now I don't live in an old house by any measure, but sometimes even in the most well maintained houses, you run into plumbing issues.

My plumbing issue was with my toilet.

I'm sure you would love to hear a story about how I clogged the toilet and caused serious carnage, however this is not the case. Instead I just gave the toilet a slight sideways glance complete with an early morning yawn and the darn thing overflowed.

Spontaneously.

Being that it was too freaking early in the morning for me to drag out a mop and clean the mess, I decided to do the next best thing and throw my used towel onto the toilet water that had collected on the bathroom floor and call it a day. I then shoved the towel behind the toilet to collect any straggling water and left for my flight.

I had a fab four days in Texas with my guys complete with high-larious moments with Munchkin and lots of smooching with Mr. Hot Pilot. I then returned home late Thursday and crashed in bed.

The next morning I awoke to get ready for my weekend at work and noticed my fresh and clean towel that is normally hanging on my bedpost was missing. I walked into the bathroom to see if I had left it there prior to my trip and found a similar towel hanging neatly on the towel rack. "Ok" I thought, "someone must've hung my towel up for me, sweet!" When I got out of the shower, I took that towel off of the rack and began drying off my face and body. And then it hit me like a homeless redneck hits their crack pipe.

The Funk.

This was no ordinary neatly hung towel. The funk eminating from the towel told me as much. This was the towel I had used just four days earlier to mop up TOILET WATER. I had been drying my face with TOILET WATER. And I don't care what state of clean the toilet that that water originated from is...all toilet water to me means one thing.

Poop water.

And I knew the culprit to my poopy facial. My dear old dad.

I quickly jumped back into the shower for a scalding, soapy, de-contamination and then ran like a fool downstairs to confront the evildoer. I discussed the present situation with my mother who found it to be all sorts of insanely funny.

She then passed the word on to my dad who told me that he just thought that I must like to RANDOMLY LEAVE CLEAN TOWELS ON THE FLOOR and hung it up for me. (Turns out my mom had taken my previously fresh towel and thrown it into the wash while I was away.) I was sure I had been set up.

When I pressed for a bended knee promise to pay wads of cash for pain and suffering an apology, this is what I got:

Dad : "Sorry, but if its any consolation, I read somewhere that people are paying big bucks for bird poop facials".

For your culinary delight

It was a lovely fall afternoon so I decided to take a walk to my favorite burrito joint "California Tortilla" as I have previously mentioned here with regards to a near neck stab. While I was waiting for my beyond awesome burrito to be crafted, I decided to peruse the vast array of hot sauces that were available. Because I do have a rather interesting sense of humor (to say the least) I found these which of course just made my day complete :




If of course you happen to be just as intrigued as I was over these culinary masterpieces, you can find ordering information via the following links :

1 - See Dick Run (also available in See Spot in Heat)
2 - Rectal Rocket Fuel
3 - Ass in Space

Hallo-woof

It's that time of year again. The time of year when those of us who don't have any biological children of our own decide to lumber over to the local mass-production department store in search of something for which to adorn our little dogs, cats or any other furry warm body we can find. Its time to dress up our defenseless family members in the most ridiculous get-up we can muster and parade them around until they are ready to plan your death late in the night when you are sleeping and they can get a good hold on your juggular.

Now of course I have Munchkin now however unfortunately I will be up in frigid Baltimore while he and Mr. Hot Pilot do the halloween thing down south without me. Sigh. So I have to attack the next best thing with my slightly twisted sense of humor and dress up my dog, Lucy. Last year I hit the mother-lode with a Princess Leia costume, complete with the Cinnamon bun hairpiece and white robe. She hated it.

I wanted to come up with something to top the awesomeness of Princess Leia and saw online that there was a Princess Leia "slave girl" (from the Jabba the Hutt movie) but alas it was unavailable in any stores near me.

So dear readers, the moment you have been waiting for....



And of course since no one in their right mind wants to be caught wearing a freaking chicken costume, when someone comes outside to investigate the rather large sqwak-ing dog, violent measures must be used in order to preserve one's place in the food chain :



And there it is...the look of "I'm going to put a pillow over your face and cut off your air supply while you sleep" :

What's in a name...

My friends and I were sitting around the office discussing crazy baby names when of course the requisite story of the name "Chlamydia" came up and we wanted to see if anyone had ever named their child this name which at first glance seems to describe a delicate flower. Here is what we found :

"When naming your baby Chlamydia, it's important to consider the gender of the name itself. When people look at the name Chlamydia, they might ask the question, "is Chlamydia a man or a woman?", or "what is the gender of the name Chlamydia?" Some names are more gender neutral than others, and some names are more strongly associated with either males or females. Some spelling variations of the name Chlamydia might be more popular than others. The Baby Name Guesser can answer all these questions about the name Chlamydia. To find out more about Chlamydia, Baby Name Guesser uses up-to-date data from across the Internet on how the name Chlamydia is actually used."

Looks like I found a name to add to my future baby name list.

Enough to make me wet my pants...

After spending lots of time with my munchkin, I realize just how amazingly funny he is. Kids really do and say the funniest and silliest things with a reckless abandon I could only dream of having.

I went to pick up munchkin from school today and of course asked how his day was. He began prattling off about the monarch butterflies and then proceeded to tell me all about the "goosebumps" show he had watched the previous weekend with Mr. Hot Pilot. When we got home we pulled out all the work he did in school the previous week, and included was a little book called "all about munchkin" where each of his classmates answered questions about munchkin such as his favorite food and what he wanted to be when he grew up. I was asking him I'd he was friends with the kids (he is as he is very personable). He said yes to each child except for one little girl named Ana. When I asked why she wasn't nice (his words) he said very matter of factly "she drew a picture of me peeing on the ground, and then got a yellow light from the teacher.".

I couldn't control the eruption of laughter that followed.

We then discussed what he wanted to be when he grows up. When I asked him he said "an astronaut and a comet" without blinking an eye. I of course asked him if he knew what a comet was and he said "yeah, a shooting star", his face saying "like, DUH!".

Between his fart jokes and his little matter of fact blurbs, my munchkin keeps me in stitches.

Never a dull moment. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Climbing up onto my soapbox

I'm sure many of you remember the tragic Amish school shooting that happened around two years ago this month. This was something that chilled many to the bone and terrified others. Many of you also I'm sure have fresh in your memories the tragic crash of "Trooper 2" here in Maryland last month. Both tragedies hit close to home and both you will see are somewhat interconnected.

After the recent crash of our state medevac chopper, the Maryland State Police have come under close scrutiny by the National Transportation Safety Board and the FAA. Suddenly, even after having 90,000 accident free flight hours under their belt, lawmakers want change. One lawmaker in particular who has a vested interest in a private medical helicopter company, Medstar.

Sen. John C. Astle would like nothing more than to see our renowned state run medevac system become privatized. What happens when privatization occurs you ask? If privatization were allowed to occur, Mr. Astle would be making beaucoup bucks with each flight completed by Medstar Health. This would also mean that the once free transportation service offered by the Maryland State Police helicopters from crash scene to hospital would now cost the patient or their insurance company money. Certain private medical helicopter companies would also be more likely to fly patients to their own facilities, i.e - Medstar medevacs would be more likely to fly to a Medstar health facility. Not such a bad thing you think? This is where the Amish school shooting connection comes in to play.

Back when the shooting occurred, several medical helicopters flew in to transport the critically wounded children to trauma centers. What many didn't know was that there were two instances where privatized medical helicopters failed those children. One little girl was loaded onto a Medstar chopper and FLEW OVER a close by pediatric trauma center in favor of a Medstar health center which was further away. To add to that, the chopper actually STOPPED FOR GAS along the way. Another little child bled to death on the way to a Medstar facility after flying over the same pediatric trauma center. Would that child have been saved if they had gone to the nearest pediatric trauma center? Who knows. But there is always a possibility. (Think of the Golden Hour theory which was pioneered by R Adams Cowley himself.)

I will let you pick your jaws up off of the floor.

My point here is that privatization isn't necessarily the way to go. With our state medevac choppers, the flight paramedics and pilots fly to the most reasonable facility whether it be the closest due to time or to our trauma center due to our expertise on head and spine injury. THEY DON'T CHOOSE WHAT IS BEST FOR THEMSELVES, THEY CHOOSE WHAT IS BEST FOR THE PATIENT. And that my friends is the difference.

Time to climb back down off of my soapbox. It is so sad when a system that is copied closely in other states due to its great efficacy is now being slammed and lambasted. Interesting though how it is lawmakers with a vested interest in a private helicopter company isn't it?

What are your thoughts?

Oh trust me, you care!

In case you were wondering (or even if you weren't) here are a few tidbits of information about me.

1. I actually used to watch that show "The Girls Next Door" about Hef's mentally challenged girlfriends.
2. I firmly believe that show should be directed by Jane Goodall.
3. My name is Carrie
4. You knew that already, but you probably didn't know that it is short for Carrie-Anne, which I was called until I was about 5, at which time my mom figured that she needed to shorten my name for when I got in trouble, so she could pull out the big guns. "CARRRRRIEEEEE ANNNNNEEEE!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
5. I have spent many long years making my signature attractive and illegible.
6. I love a good burger.
7. With bacon and mushrooms
8. I actually love meat...
9. I do not, however, eat weird meat (head cheese, tongue, pig feet and the like)
10. I lost 10 lbs on the Atkins Diet once, but it bored the crap out of me.
11. And so I stopped
12. And accepted white bread back into my life.
13. I was raised Baptist
14. Still am Baptist
15. My mother is a youth minister at my church.
16. I am not always very respectful
17. In fact I have a documented problem with authority
18. Officer Stein to be exact.
19. Pulled me over twice in two weeks, and then proceeded to tell me "I know where it is that you live"
20. I have never been fired for being mouthy, but did get laid off for wanting respectable hours for which to go to school in.
21. I am only competitive when it comes to driving on the Baltimore beltway.
22. I have a weird little dog that talks.
23. No, really
24. Just ask anyone.
25. Lucy told my dad whats what just yesterday
26. I finally graduated college (no thanks to my old loser job who didn't want to help a girl out)
27. And I am quite proud
28. Yes, I do understand that I am an uncontrollable dork.
29. I now work in Clinical Research at a rather well known Trauma Center
30. Which has been featured on "Trauma : Life in the E.R" and "Code Blue".
31. Sometimes the ticking of my biological clock wakes me up in the middle of the night.
32. When I was in middle school, I had massive, teased, hairsprayed hair. And gigantic glasses.
33. I thought I looked good.
34. It was only until recently that I got that whole "Star Wars" thing.
35. I have a definite type A personality
36. Watch out if you see me driving in your neighborhood
37. In my sweet blue Dodge Neon.
38. Which is my second blue dodge Neon.
39. I have changed my major about 4 times.
40. Most recently, two years ago.
41. It was only recently that I have started wearing heels.
42. Now that seems to be all that I want to wear.
43. I have always dated short guys.
44. Until now. My hot pilot is nice and tall (and ridiculously gorgeous).
45. I don't like long hair on guys.
46. I like them to be well dressed and clean cut. No tattoos please.
47. My favorite color is green
48. I have owned two Dodge Neons (yep, two)
49. Yes, I know
50. What was I thinking?
51. I obviously wasn't
52. My dream car of the moment is the Volvo S40 T5
53. I hope that my current Dodge Neon lasts me until I have my first child.
54. So I can then buy my Volvo S40 T5
55. I love dogs
56. Don't really care for cats
57. Hate is such a strong word
58. Especially when one says they hate cats
59. I lived in Florida for a year
60. I spent that year figuring out ways to move back home
61. When it was finally time to move home, I didn't want to leave
62. I am a magazine junkie
63. And a gossip column junkie
64. And a Target junkie
65. And I like crack
66. But not really.
67. I am happiest when I am really, really busy
68. I looked forward to the beginning of the school year back when I was a young whipper-snapper.
69. I am of the boomerang generation
70. I have left my parents home 4 times, only to return again.
71. The next time I leave, I plan on it being for good (I think Mr. Hot Pilot agrees)
72. But for now, I am enjoying the money that I am saving.
73. And Lucy likes hanging here with my parents two other dogs.
74. And free home cooking is always nice.
75. Have I mentioned that my dog talks?
76. Just ask anyone.
77. I don't like fake nails.
78. I think they look completely stupid
79. I also think that fake tanning is ridiculous
80. I spend most of my summer rather pale.
81. And what is with parents giving their little toddlers Mohawks?
82. Seriously.
83. I was in the marching band
84. Now lets never speak of that again.
85. But I played percussion
86. Not as nerdy as, say, the clarinet.
87. Which I also played
88. I have a cellphone that I don't really talk much on (unless it is to my aforementioned ridiculously hot pilot)
89. But I have been known to use 3000 text messages in one month
90. I tend to be a bit outspoken
91. After hearing people not washing their hands in the bathroom at work (the lovely job who didn't want to help a girl out with getting her education), I posted pictures of germs, and threatened violence if they DIDN'T WASH THEIR NASTY HANDS!
92. Then someone called OSHA, and they all thought it was me
93. It wasn't. I'm not an idiot. I wanted to KEEP my job
94. But seriously, not washing your hands…sick
95. I will be voting this November. I think it is extremely important
96. I voted for Bush
97. I am very, very sorry
98. How embarrassing
99. It is now 3:05pm
100. I really wish I were in Texas watching my Munchkins soccer game.

A bit of sweetness in a rather bitter world.

It has been one of those days. No scratch that. One of those weeks. Not sure why I feel so blah, but maybe it has to do with the fact that the weather is gloomy, a co-worker at my old pharmacy job was killed by "gun accident" and I really hate it when someone doesn't make it in the trauma bay and you have to hear the grief stricken cries coming from their spouse. It just isn't fair, and it just shouldn't happen. When I first began working in the Trauma Unit, I remember listening to the snarky comments a few of the nurses or residents would say. I remember remarking once "how disrespectful!". I was told that sometimes you have to have a bit of humor in order to not let the tragic cases get to you. I didn't think I would ever agree...but maybe I do. I can honestly say that I couldn't be a doctor as I would never be able to leave work at work and disentangle myself. I am an empathizer through and through and while I try not to let it all get to me, sometimes it just does.

I came across this rather sweet picture and I don't care if it is photoshopped or not, it is just what I need today.


(thanks must go to Mr . James Danziger at "The Year in Pictures" - thank you for your post which brightened my day!)


I hope everyone is safe and cozy in their homes and with their loved ones. I think we should all find those that we love, near and far, and give them an extra "I love you, you mean so much to me". You never ever know when it is time for them to go on to bigger and better things.

Awesome Christmas Cause

With the holidays just around the corner I am always reminded about those who are less fortunate that we are. Because of this, I decided the other day to put together a little Christmas Box for "Operation Christmas Child" by Samaritan's Purse. It is a fun activity for anyone with children (or heck, even those without!) who may want to help in finding things to pack into a shoebox to send to a girl or boy in need.

I actually found alot of great items at my local Target, some items that I might just go back for later to use as little stocking stuffers for Munchkin for later in the christmas season. I decided to fill a box for a boy between the ages of 4 and 7and found a great deal of cool stuff for about $20 bucks.

1 - Find an old shoebox and wrap the lid and box separately in festive paper.




2 - Let the paper fold in its own way, and it will be alot easier to wrap.




3 - Here is your rockin' snazzy finished product :



4 - Now fill it! (This is by far the fun part!)





I filled mine with crayons, Star Wars markers, Star Wars socks, a stuffed dragon, a kaleidascope, a mini chutes and ladders game, a kids toothbrush/toothpaste combo and a Hot Wheels car. Nothing cost over a dollar, and most are pretty cool if you ask me.

5 - Label box with labels you can get off of the Operation Christmas Child website.




Now go to "Operation Christmas Child" website for instructions on where to drop off your finished boxes. You might also want to gather a group of friends or family to put together several boxes for kids.


If anyone else decides to do this project, I would love to hear from you and maybe see some pictures or hear about what sort of items you sent in your christmas package. Have fun putting your boxes together!